I’m no relationship expert, but I’m gonna give my opinion. My opinion that I have researched and that has been largely supported and usually accompanied by much laughter.
The Cougar phenomenon from my memory got lots of attention when Demi Moore started dating Ashton Kutcher. Cougar became the word we threw around when we saw couples that included an older woman.
Over the past few years I have seen many friends and acquaintances in relationships where there was a “cougar” situation. Never really phased me. There have been vivid discussions mind you, but I have found that other dynamics in the relationships discussed were usually the real issue and not so much the cougar-ness of it all. Yes I made up a word dammit.
So now here is the recurring issue that always makes me laugh and then makes me kinda sad at the same time.
The Cougar Swindle.
The mature accomplished woman often SO happy for this young, loving, virile man (yup she likes being kept up at night) goes out of her cotton pickin mind and OVERDOES everything. She shops for him, cooks for him, proclaims all her love for him to the whole entire facebook world, emails and post pictures, give blow by blows of all the amazing things he does for her, and of course with her experience, she is likely blowing his mind andafewotherthings in the bedroom. Long and short, she knows how to GET this man, and boy does she get him.
The swindle. Ahh yess, she done swing him, whether he realizes it or not, he is HOOKED like the Nassau Grouper Imma have tomorrow for breakfast.
Any grown woman is probably like what’s the issue? And I agree with you questioning me because I believe all the above and more should be given whenever you choose to love someone.
Here’s the problem, they be SO damn happy and SO damn quick to give it ALL away that the issue now becomes…….now that you’ve GOT him, how you gonna KEEP him?
Don’t get me wrong, this is an issue anyone of any age in a relationship must pay attention to really, but let’s stick to the discussion here.
2 or 3 weeks of “dating” all of the above has been conquered. This man has not earned your respect or your love and you have not earned his. What typically happens in these cases after 6 months to a year? He’s little interested in the “glitter” of it all. He may even start to feel a little smothered. Add in the issues with children, his mother getting used to you (you know, the usual family bullshit) and him being an unsure man having many young women still throwing themselves at him…..guess what’s gonna happen?
The Cougar Swindle lives again. This time, the cougar had swindled her gaddam self.
The cougars that notice this behavior are often so afraid to address the issue that they ignore it just to “save” their relationship. Let’s not forget, she done told the world how much this man loves her and she has probably gotten very comfortable with having him in her life so will not rock the boat.
As mature and experienced as she is, she’s insecure. She is afraid to be without him, or be without a man period. How do I know she’s insecure? A secure woman doesn’t buy love. A secure woman doesn’t have to overdo anything, she can simply be herself and if he takes it he takes it, if he leaves it, he leaves it.
These ones though, #lawdamercy. They be doing the most.
This is not the typical Happy Friday kinda content, but it sorta is. This is why I said it makes me kinda sad. You see, no woman that knows herself and her value is gonna be so overwhelmed by attention from a young man that she will smother him with “love” before allowing him to earn it. No woman that understands the fleeting feeling of love-infatuation and the choice to love, are two entirely different things, will settle for one without the other.
We need to first love ourselves and have a high enough value on ourselves that we are not getting swindled by swindling ourselves.
Happy Friday yall!
Random Question & Quote Me
How do you value yourself? Do you allow ANYONE that comes along with a cute smile to sit at your table? Know who you are so that what you bring to the table can determine who sits at your table.
Dating is for collecting data. Love is beautiful but takes work and wisdom. Date first, then love the right way. -raehfabulous
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